Twisted Fairy Tale: The Twisted Sleeping Beauty
by Sailor Erin
Summary: When someone lets me write a fic that ruins Sleeping beauty, I think I should be punished for this! Well, please R&R!


Twisted Fairy Tale:  
The Twisted Sleeping Beauty  
  
  
Note: Of course dear readers, I don't own any of the characters. This may become really weird and all, but hey! Why'd they call it twisted?  
  
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Once upon a time, in a land far, far away in a planet called Gaia, in a kingdom called Alexandria, lived an ugly elephant lady, known as Queen Brahne, and her husband, the king. The king wasn't the best-looking guy in Alexandria, but compared to Queen Brahne, he is. Those two didn't have a child, they wanted one but they weren't so lucky on getting one. So one night, when the king got drunk, this happened.  
  
\\ Alexandra castle, main hall //  
  
King: Hey honey! Lookin' good!  
Queen: oh my king! You're always lookin' good!  
King: let's go to bed!  
Queen: of course my king!  
  
The king and queen go to bed, and the next day, the queen got pregnant.  
  
\\ Alexandria castle, Balcony //  
  
Queen: um…king?  
King: what is it?  
Queen: I'm…I'm…  
King: what is it?  
Queen: I'm pregnant.  
King: OH MY GOD!!!!  
Queen: What do you think?  
King: It's wonderful!  
  
9 months has passes, and Queen Brahne gave birth to a handsome boy with a tail.  
  
\\ Alexandria castle, Queen Brahne's bedroom //  
  
King: isn't he cute?  
Queen: Look, he's tying to say something.  
Baby: ma ma! Da da!  
King: Oh my god! He said my name! *cough* my heart! *cough* bring me a doct-  
  
Before the king could say a word, he died, poor man.  
  
Queen: oh my god! My king! Take him away!   
Guards: As you command my queen!  
  
The guards take him away.  
  
Queen: oh and tell everybody in Alexandria there's a party here at 8 'clock sharp tomorrow! And invite the three fairy godmothers!  
  
Of course, like in the fairy tale, there are three fairies.  
  
\\ Fairy Forest, the next day //  
  
Fairy Amarant: this is ridiculous! I'm supposed to be a mean nasty bastard, not a fairy godmother!  
Author: Shut up and go on with the story!  
Fairy Amarant: ok! So, guys, where the hell are we going!?  
Fairy Vivi: I have no idea. Ask Stiener.  
Fairy Amarant: Stiener?  
Fairy Stiener: To Alexandria castle!  
Fairy Amarant: Why?  
Fairy Vivi: I think it's because of the king and queen's baby.  
Fairy Stiener: Bravo master Vivi!   
Fairy Amarant: *sigh* Let's just get on with it. This is getting really weird.  
  
The three fairies arrive at Alexandria castle.  
  
\\ Alexandria castle, party hall //  
  
Queen: where the hell are those goddamn fairies!?  
Fairies: *pop out of nowhere* we're here!  
Queen: you're the fairies!? Amarant?  
Fairy Amarant: I know. Why didn't she put Eiko in my place?  
Author: If you want to be in Eiko's place, just ask.  
Fairy Amarant: really?  
Author: yeah, really.  
Fairy Amarant: so can I?  
Author: it's too late!  
Fairy Amarant: DAMN!   
Queen: So anyway, do your thang with the baby! I named him Zidane.  
Fairy Vivi: Wait! I thought it was a baby girl.  
Fairy Amarant: I knew this was gonna be the weirdest fic she ever wrote!  
Fairy Stiener: *gets out magic wand* Let's do our thang!  
All: *Stare at Stiener very shocked*  
Fairy Stiener: *waves wand in front of Baby Zidane* Let him have that charm every guy wants so all the girls would fall for him!  
Fairy Vivi: *waves wand too* Let him have the heart of a lion so he would be brave an' all!  
  
The evil fairy appears out of nowhere.  
  
Fairy Kuja (The evil fairy): Damn! Do I have to do this!?  
Author: yes! Now do your thing!  
Fairy Kuja: ok! *looks at baby Zidane* this is your baby? God he looks so ugly! Not as pretty as me!  
All: *stare at Kuja disgustingly*  
Baby Zidane: Evil! Bad! *reaches for Kuja and pinches his nose*  
Fairy Kuja: ow! My beautiful nose! You imbecile!   
Baby Zidane: *giggling*  
Fairy Kuja: That's it! You little boy will die a horrible bloody death on your sixteenth birthday; a girl will kiss you and suck all the blood from your mouth! Like that, you'd die 'cause you have no blood.  
  
Fairy Kuja disappears and we can hear his maniac laughter.  
  
Queen: What can we do now?  
Fairy Amarant: I can save him! If I wanted to…  
Queen: *on hand and knees* Oh please Fairy godmother, he's my only child. *She begins kissing Amrant's feet*  
Fairy Amarant: OK! OK! Just don't get any closer to me like that again!   
Queen: Thank you fairy godmother!  
Fairy Amarant: And stop calling me that! *waves wand* you little brat won't die on your sixteenth birthday; you'll just sleep for a hundred years and wake up from a kiss from a prince…errr…princess. Can we go now?  
Queen: sure.  
  
The three fairy godmothers (Fairy Amarant: I am not a fairy godmother!) Fly away to the forest.  
Anyway, on Zidane's sixteenth birthday…  
  
\\ Alexandria castle, main hall, a little girl is sitting there crying //  
  
Girl: *sniff* Mommy…mommy…  
Zidane: *who happens to be passing by* Hey little girl? Something wrong?  
Girl: *looks up* I lost my *sniff* my *sniff* my mommy…*sob*  
Zidane: aww…I'm sorry. What's your name?  
Girl: *sniff* Eiko.  
Zidane: Come here little Eiko, a hug would make you feel better *opens his arms for a hug*  
Eiko: *evil grin* A hug wouldn't be enough! *jumps on Zidane and kisses him for a very long time and then looks in his eyes*  
Zidane: *feeling dizzy* what the hell did you do?  
Eiko: *even wider evil grin* I'm not finished yet! *kisses him and sucks all his blood from his mouth then runs away never to be seen again*  
Zidane: oh…feeling dizzy…and s…l…e…e…p…y…*falls asleep and is now in his bedroom asleep on his bed*  
  
From somewhere, the three fairy godmother were watching everything.  
  
\\ Somewhere outside the castle //  
  
Fairy Amarant: I'm happy I didn't take Eiko's role in this fic! Being a fairy godmother sure is great!  
Fairy Vivi: What can we do now?  
Fairy Stiener: Let all the people of Alexandria sleep as well?  
Fairy Amarant: Brilliant! We can do that!  
  
The three fairy godmother put all Alexandria to sleep, even Yako, Wako, and Dot (Who were just there chased my that cop).  
Anyway, in Lindblum….  
  
\\ Lindblum castle, main hall //  
  
Garnet: I'll save my beloved Zidane even though I don't want to but the author wants me to so I have to!  
Author: …  
Garnet: Here I go! *runs outside, takes a chocobo, and rides all the way to Alexandria.  
  
\\ In front of Alexandria castle //  
  
Garnet: so I have to get in?  
Author: yep.  
Garnet: Piece o' cake! *enters Alexandria castle*  
  
Garnet walks all the way to Zidane's bedroom that is her room in FF9.  
  
\\ Alexandria castle, Zidane's bedroom //  
  
Garnet: *walks in and walks all the way to Zidane's bed and bends over to see his face* Damn! He's hot!   
Author: Just kiss him so we can get this over with!  
Garnet: ok. *kisses Zidane*  
Zidane: *wakes up and the first thing he sees is Garnet so he pulls her closer to him and kisses her for a very long time*  
Fairy Vivi: *from somewhere* was that supposed to happen?  
Zidane: *releases Garnet* my hero! Will you marry me!?  
Garnet: But I'm just 16.  
Zidane: My parents got married when they were only 12!  
Garnet: ok, I'll marry you!  
  
Zidane and Garnet get married and live happily ever after!   
  
~THE END~  
  
Fairy Kuja: WAIT! WHAT ABOUT ME!?  
Author: what about you?  
Fairy Kuja: What happens to me?  
Author: you burn in hell.  
Fairy Kuja: oh…WHAT!?  
Author: heh heh heh…Bye bye!  
Fairy Kuja: *portal to hell opens and sucks him to hell* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
  
~THAT'S ALL FOLKS!~  
  
And Eiko died from a terrible heart disease.  
  
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Note: What do you say? Do you like it or hate it? I know you're gonna flame me for this! Please review anyway.  
  



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